Notes for New Moms

As some of you may know, my niece is about to have a baby. A boy. As the sole great-aunt, I can't wait! Over in facebookland, I asked my mom friends if they had anything they wished someone had told them, or any advice for new moms. I was so touched by their enthusiasm, tenderness and willingness to share that I thought I'd share their comments with everyone, just in case there are new moms or moms-to-be searching the internet late at night for some words of wisdom. Those of you not in facebookland (and you know who you are) feel free to comment, too. I'm printing all of these out in a consolidated format and sharing them with my niece. She's due any day.

Thank you moms!

MOMNOTES

Jen R: 2 things, Don't bother with the diaper genieb, it's a rip off and unneeded & Buy high quality nursing bras, so worth the money!

Sue: The wipe-warmer is a toss, too... And everyone will love the lavender baby wash- The target brand is just as good as Johnson & Johnson.

Karen: Large flannel "blanket" (about 45x45) was the best swaddling thing for us. Better than those fancy-shmancy velcro crazy things. Plus the flannel fabric folds up pretty small. I got it at the fabric store. Flannel generally comes 45 inches wide so I just bought enough for a square. My mommy hemmed mine for me. (PS Kayleigh, this is on its way.)

Jen P. I loved the wiper warmer. Get some cloth diapers as burp cloths they are cheap. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Get the baby out of your bed and sleeping thru the night asap. Its harder to do the older they get. Diaper genie sucks, cloth diapers suck too. Those nursing tanks are $50 but worth every penny.

If she hasn't had him yet, the drugs are good. Stay in the hospital as long as insurance will let you. That day I opted for no circumcision. Best choice I made. Their willies are perfect the way nature intended and 50% of the kids we know aren't. Nipple cream is awesome stuff. Lactation classes and consultants are wonderful things. Oh after three I have a book of advice.

Jen R: Damn, I wish I had known about Breast milk banking and donation. I moved when my daughter was less than a year and dumped a freezer full. Have your niece look into cord blood donation. I donated from both pregnancies.

Sue: Do not fear The Pacifier... and remind her to cover him during diaper changes or he WILL spray her.. the infant gowns with the drawstring at the bottom .. triple snap onesies for warmer weather... the vibrating infant seat (although they don;t SIT, they RECLINE..) I went through three of them. more to come, I'm sure...

Actually, for the first couple of weeks those little t-shirts are the best.. at least until the cord nubbin falls off. Not to worry if he goes through that flaky, peely phase about 2-3 weeks out- TOTALLY NORMAL. Remember, he's been soaking in water for 40 weeks or so.. :-) the same goes for little bumps on his cheeks (the cheeks on his face..)

Jen R: Here's one thing that a Mom passed on to me (and is a little more delicate) when I had my first child, right after birth, request a stool softner. You will not be released from the hospital until you have a bowel movement, and if you tear....I was so glad to make it easier on myself...Now, how was that for glamorous?

Catherine: The best advice I ever got was from a pediatric nurse who started a service here in Atlanta to help new moms. She now has published a book and started a website so she's available everywhere. Go to momsoncall.com. That book was my freakin' bible - I never would have survived without it. They have a video too that comes with the book that teaches you everything from swaddling to clipping baby's nails. If she follows all the instructions in the book to the letter, her baby will sleep through the night anywhere starting from 6 - 8 weeks. When you're a new mom, sleeping through the night is heaven. You will be her hero if you get her this book. (I bought this and sent it.)

Danine: I might be penning brief bits of advice - that seems to be how my brain is working lately...Thanks Tam for putting me on this advice list...
For the birthing mother - take the drugs...don't try to be a hero...I missed my opportunity with both kids and if anything - take the drugs for ME!
Desitin - the best stuff in a white tube...use it for rash or no rash...it's all purpose and has been around for ages!
Baby Bjorn - the most comfortable child carrier on the market...I had one with Annie (learned the hard way with William) and used it for hikes, shopping, housework...Bruce used it too - very versitile and machine washable!
Don't waste money on items to be used only once or twice...save the money for good diapers - Huggies were my brand of choice...
A good diaper bag is a must... Lands End and LL Bean have a good line...I had a few in varying sizes and later used them as over-night bags...
See if friends/family will organize meals for the new parents...I had a week worth the meals prepared and delivered by friends...I managed the day/time and menu...I didn't have to worry about food preparation - and this offered a chance for my friends to sneak a peek at the newborn!
Cloth diapers make the best burp rags and all purpose...I dyed an entire lot pink for Annie (but remember to wash separately as the dye will leach until final fading)...and on that note - Dreft - I used it religiously with my infant/toddler washings...
A port-a-crib is a nice gift...Doesn't need to be fancy...the less attachments the better...We used ours on vacations, sleep-overs, nap time...etc.
Join a "mothers club"...great for support and hanging out with women/men in the same adventure in life...Hmmm...I will be adding more for sure...my brain has ceased for the moment...cheers!

Kristin: Always remember that you know your baby better than anyone else or any book. Your baby may sleep through the night at 6-8 weeks, or not until 2 years old, and if the advice doesn't feel right, don't take it. NEVER, and I mean NEVER say, "my baby/child would NEVER do that!" while judging another--there is no faster way to get your baby to do such ... I give my vote for the wipe warmer and I still use the Ergo carrier even at almost 4yrs old. It was much more comfortable and easier on my back.

Karen: My other piece of advice: Compliment her on her parenting skills. When I first overheard my mom telling someone what a great and natural mom I am it absolutely made me swell with pride. She will get all kinds of parenting advice from all kinds of people. The most powerful thing you can do is to help her trust her parenting instincts - she will know Milo better than anyone else.

Sue: and THAT is the BEST advice yet...;-)

Danine: Oh yes - the experts will gather...Some have "suggestions" and some have "do-tions"...I remember my mo-in-law reciting passages from her ancient doctor spock book and it was law...My mom is the best...never criticizes, never compares...cheers!

Tamara: Thank you! You guys rock! That is why you are all great moms.

Jen R: Not advice but something I loved. Buy a really good quality stroller, if a double stroller, get a side-by-side with a front swivel wheel. Go out and enjoy the neighborhood. Just to get away from the TV and go outside and breath. Spring/summer babies are born at the perfect time to start a good relationship with the outdoors!

Coleen: I wish I'd had this thread before I had Sean. :)
My best advice is not to be too hard on yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, and trying for perfection is self defeating.

I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year of Life" before having Sean and at first I thought she was crazy to think (or actually admit) the things she did, but later I was grateful to know that at least one other mother felt the way I did when the baby cried and cried and I was totally sleep deprived and wishing I could put him back in the womb just for another week or so. ;)

Tamara: Thanks, Coleen! That's great advice. I read Operating Instructions, too. That was a great book. (I'm just re-reading Bird by Bird right now.) You've got to love that honesty in Anne Lamott. She lays it out there, and the rest of us breathe a sigh of relief that we're not the only one hiding jealousy or frustration or feelings of hopelessness. And she has the guts and the wry humor to put it in a way that we can laugh with her and take ourselves just a little bit less seriously.

Jen P: Anne Lamott is one of my very favorite authors too. Operating instructions is a gift I usually give to new moms.

Tyla: There has been such an intense response to this thread that I've been thinking hard about what to add.

I guess, when it comes down to it, my best advice is to be very gentle with yourself when you're learning something new. It's really easy to look at the long days of feeling inadequate and miss the big picture...that this little thing, that demands so much, has been created out of what?... something bigger than I know how to comprehend.

The days are long, but the years are short. Appreciate the little things and know that each impossible moment will pass and things even out and you will catch your stride.

Ok. Enough with that...breast feeding a new born is NOT EASY for most! If it is easy for you...go with it. If it is HARD, then get help! Call a lactation specialist and get a nipple shield! Please, get a nipple shield. I used it with both of my children and they both "went natural" around 5 months. Smooth sailing after that. They got what they needed and I didn't have bleeding nipples. We both win!

Save your back and get an Ergo Carrier. Much better than a Bjorn.

I used cloth diapers. Use BioKleen detergent from Whole Foods or Charlie's on-line.

Also, expect your world to be turned upside down and get a good therapist!

Always ask questions! You will learn a lot when you start asking and stop complaining. I have learned from experience.

Join a Co-op nursery school when your child is old enough (3 years). The added work is worth it.
xxoo

Tamara: I have been so touched by all of your responses. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me to know that you are here for my niece, with all of your tenderness, experience and good advice.
Viva la Mama.
Love,
Tam