Here's more from the moms:
Jen R: Not advice but something I loved. Buy a really good quality stroller, if a double stroller, get a side-by-side with a front swivel wheel. Go out and enjoy the neighborhood. Just to get away from the TV and go outside and breath. Spring/summer babies are born at the perfect time to start a good relationship with the outdoors!
Coleen: I wish I'd had this thread before I had Sean. :)
My best advice is not to be too hard on yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, and trying for perfection is self defeating.
I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year of Life" before having Sean and at first I thought she was crazy to think (or actually admit) the things she did, but later I was grateful to know that at least one other mother felt the way I did when the baby cried and cried and I was totally sleep deprived and wishing I could put him back in the womb just for another week or so. ;)
Tamara: Thanks, Coleen! That's great advice.
I read Operating Instructions, too. That was a great book. (I'm just re-reading Bird by Bird right now.) You've got to love that honesty in Anne Lamott. She lays it out there, and the rest of us breathe a sigh of relief that we're not the only one hiding jealousy or frustration or feelings of hopelessness. And she has the guts and the wry humor to put it in a way that we can laugh with her and take ourselves just a little bit less seriously.
What's been neat about all of this is that all of the mothers sincerely want to help. There is so much comparing among other women-- who had the shortest (or longest) labor, who did or didn't get their figure back, who couldn't (horror!) breastfeed. It's so nice to feel such support from people for someone who is doing it for the first time. If I'd known this was out there, I might have thought more about having kids! I'm so excited about this little grandnephew. Since my sister and I aren't close, and my niece and I are, it's going to be fun to have a baby that I can spoil.
Jen P. Anne Lamott is one of my very favorite authors too. Operating instructions is a gift I usually give to new moms.
Tyla: There has been such an intense response to this thread that I've been thinking hard about what to add.
I guess, when it comes down to it, my best advice is to be very gentle with yourself when you're learning something new. It's really easy to look at the long days of feeling inadequate and miss the big picture...that this little thing, that demands so much, has been created out of what?... something bigger than I know how to comprehend.
The days are long, but the years are short. Appreciate the little things and know that each impossible moment will pass and things even out and you will catch your stride.
Ok. Enough with that...breast feeding a new born is NOT EASY for most! If it is easy for you...go with it. If it is HARD, then get help! Call a lactation specialist and get a nipple shield! Please, get a nipple shield. I used it with both of my children and they both "went natural" around 5 months. Smooth sailing after that. They got what they needed and I didn't have bleeding nipples. We both win!
Save your back and get an Ergo Carrier. Much better than a Bjorn.
I used cloth diapers. Use BioKleen detergent from Whole Foods or Charlie's on-line.
Also, expect your world to be turned upside down and get a good therapist!
Always ask questions! You will learn a lot when you start asking and stop complaining. I have learned from experience.
Join a Co-op nursery school when your child is old enough (3 years). The added work is worth it.
xxoo
Tamara: You are awesome, too, Ty! Thank you.
I have been so touched by all of your responses. Thank you so much.
Viva la Mama.
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