Spoke Too Soon

Here is the email I sent to close family members yesterday, after visiting with Grandma and Grandpa on Sunday:

"Mike and I went up to help them out with winterizing yesterday. Gma is doing pretty well-- seems a little more anxious, but no trips to the emergency room this week, and that's a good thing. Next time, we hope to be able to spend more time. Gpa has lost more weight, but he looks good. Often it's hard to get a read on how he's feeling on the phone, as there is always somebody right next to him. Sometimes the girls even answer the phone. But both of them seemed well this weekend other than that...and we all made it down from the roof safely.

The girls that come and help them are all very nice and have been doing a really good job keeping the house clean. Nichole (one of the caregivers) actually dismantled and cleaned the whole dining room chandelier, and I washed the tablecloth, so it's looking pretty good in the dining room along with all the dusting that you did. The living room stuff is now confined to the side nearest the door, and it looks like it's getting smaller.

We all sat down at the kitchen table and had meat and cheese sandwiches, soup, potato chips and bread-and-butter pickles, just like old times. It was so nice to sit at the table again! One question: Grandpa and I were looking for Grandma's cookbook from the 40's that used to sit right behind the TV in the kitchen. We couldn't find it upstairs in either of the bookcases, or in any of the kitchen drawers with the rest of the recipes. Unless someone knows where it is, we'll start going through the boxes until we find it, but I didn't see it when I was moving the stuff around in the living room either. Does anyone remember seeing it?"

And this morning, Tuesday, sometime between 3 a.m. and 12 p.m., Grandmother suffered another stroke that left in its wake the physical signs you always hear about. She's not talking right now, and we don't know if she will again.

Wow.

I hadn't thought about what a big deal that is until I typed it. She can still understand, as far as we know. As of this morning, the caregiver said she was understanding and responding to directions, but couldn't speak. The CAT scan confirms that there has been major damage this time.

Tomorrow will be as tomorrow will be. Dad and his new wife are flying in from Tennessee and Missouri. My uncle is coming up from Fresno tonight. The doctor says now is the time to visit, but I wish they had all been there in September. Grandma was still having a good time then. I wish that they had all been there on Sunday, too, to talk to her and see that despite the setbacks, she was comfortable. Anxious but happy, participating in conversations and jokes. She had her sense of humor--and her trademark icy glare at Grandpa when he told her she was doing just fine eating by herself. Earlier in the week, she had said she wanted to make applesauce from the apples on the little tree in their backyard. When Grandpa could only reach one, she-of-few-words-lately popped off with a perfectly sarcastic, "Oh, the last of the big spenders-- thanks a lot!"

Sunday, she remembered the location of her jam recipes at the bottom of a kitchen drawer and made me take them home. She told me at least ten times to be careful, thank goodness Mike fixed the dishwasher, and have a safe trip home.

Grandma, I wish more than anything that you have a safe trip home, too.

Love, Tamarina