Col. Lowell H. Landre, (Ret.), 1926 - 2011

My beloved grandfather's obituary posts tomorrow in the newspapers of the towns of his friends and relatives.  Modesto, Reno, Tahoe.

This is what it will say:

  Retired U.S. Army Colonel Lowell Henry Landre, 85, died in comfort at his home in South Lake Tahoe, California on the morning of November 22, 2011.  He was born in 1926 in Yakima, Washington, to Ralph Weston Landre, Sr. and Mary Josephine (Keesee) Landre.

  The Landre family moved from Washington state during the depression, seeking work in the fields and orchards of California.  From humble beginnings as migrant workers, the family later owned a beautiful home on Depot Hill in Capitola, California, and a restaurant on that town’s beachside esplanade. 

  Lowell graduated from Santa Cruz High School, Santa Cruz, California, in 1943, thereafter furthering his education at the Municipal University of Omaha in Nebraska, the Command and General Staff College at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, and the Air War College. He also attended UCLA, North Texas Agricultural College, the University of Texas, and numerous other civilian and military educational institutions.

  It was while attending UCLA that he met the love of his life, best friend, and wife of 64 years, the feisty and petite Rose Waszkiewicz, a proud girl of Polish descent, who had come to California from her hometown of Detroit, Michigan to work as a rivet-driller in the manufacture of airplanes for WWII. Rose Mary Waszkiewicz and Lowell Henry Landre were married by a Justice of the Peace in Wayne County, Michigan in June of 1945. They would spend the next seven decades traveling the world and raising their three boys, Lowell Dean, Lance Henry and Lee Raymond, together and apart, as the world’s battles shaped their lives.   

  Lowell served in such diverse locations as Indochina (before and during the Viet Nam war), Greenland, Puerto Rico, Panama, Japan, Europe, the Canadian Arctic Islands and numerous other classified locations.  He also served with the armed forces of other nations and had multiple tours in the former Fort Ord complex (Forts Ord and Hunter Liggett and the Presidio of Monterey), Fort Bragg, NC and Fort Benning, GA.  Among his awards and decorations, he particularly prized the Combat Infantryman badge and the Master Parachutist badge. 

  He also served as a senior military advisor to the Vietnamese city of Hué, nearly losing his life the night of January 31, 1968, when North Vietnamese troops broke a two-day holiday cease fire agreement and attacked the city during what is now known as the Tet Offensive.  The loss of many of his fellow soldiers, and the shocking civilian massacre in the city, affected him for the rest of his life.  Forever respectful of those who served our country and others, no matter their rank, he was a role model and mentor to his fellow soldiers throughout his military career and his life.  He will be greatly missed by the local veterans’ community.

  Between combat assignments, he specialized in military research and combat development. His duties in the military intelligence field and also in other classified postings required multiple linguistic capabilities.   Learning languages was a life-long passion for Lowell.  In addition to the English language, he spoke Russian, Vietnamese, Korean and Polish, and dabbled in many others.  He delighted in surprising people he’d meet with a short conversation in their native tongue, whether it was Spanish, Hungarian, Mandarin or Hindi. One of his great joys was relating these stories to his family.

  He retired from the U.S. Army in 1977 as a Colonel after 32 years of active duty in the U.S. Navy (WWII) and the U.S. Army.  He was a parachute and glider infantry soldier, leader and commander.  He received many U.S. and foreign decorations and awards and was wounded in combat multiple times.  Among numerous decorations and presidential citations, he was the recipient of the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star for Valor.

  After leaving the military, Lowell assisted other military veterans with various governmental agencies.  He also researched and developed a comprehensive family genealogy spanning more than 400 years.  He was both an author and an artist.  He was a sports parachutist and pilot and a founding member of the Parachute Club of America.  A prolific and talented oil painter, he filled his home with beautiful images of the forests of the Sierra Nevadas, Bavaria, where he first learned to paint in a class offered for officer’s wives, and Alaska, where he and Rose lived for a decade while stationed at Fort Richardson. 

  Lowell had a soft spot for dogs of any shape or size and was never without a treat for them in his pocket.  He loved to laugh, and treated everyone he encountered with respect. He loved learning and was relentless in his constant pursuit of self-improvement.  He was a true gentleman and a consummate soldier.  Lowell was loved profoundly by his family, and was a beacon of strength and support.  Strengths and faults, successes and failures, there will never be anyone quite like him.  Dad, Grandpa, Great-Grandpa and Great-Great Grandpa, we love you more than words can convey. We will see your smiling face in every flower, every star, every sunset, and every wagging tail.

  Colonel Landre joins his loving wife Rose Waszkiewicz, who preceded him in death in 2009, somewhere in the stars overlooking us all.  He is survived by his two sons, Lowell D. Landre of Tennessee and Lance H. Landre of California; four grandchildren, Tamara Landre, Nicolle Landre, Laura Clendenning and Michael Landre; six great-grandchildren, Kayleigh, Jessica, Justus, Dylan, Conor and Casey, and one great-great-grandchild, Milo. He is also survived by his sister-in-law Shirley (Foote) Landre, widow of his brother Ralph Weston Landre, Jr., and their sons, Tim, Jon and Jeff, and their families. He was preceded in death by his wife, his youngest son, Lee Raymond Landre, his oldest grandson, Christopher Shawn Landre, and his canine buddy Murphy.

  Per his wishes, his ashes will be scattered at sea with those of the loved ones who preceded him.

Those wishing to honor Colonel Landre should reach out a hand to the next veteran they meet and thank him for his service, treat others with respect and kindness, and never, ever stop learning.

If it isn't clear to anyone who is reading this, I loved my Grandpa.  I was lucky beyond imagining that he was not only my Grandpa, but my friend.  We were so fortunate to have recognized that our time together would soon end, and we made the most of it.  There were times that he was my best friend, my only ally, and I his.  I hope that I have done justice to the great love I had for him, and the unshakeable faith he had in me, in this tribute. 

Sheila Landre's Towel Manifesto

My mother asks that I post this as a public service announcement to all towel users, present and future.

ABOUT TOWELS
An Expository Essay

These guidelines for towel usage will help you form good habits and save money in the future when you are in charge of towels of your own. There are many kinds of towels and each has its own purpose. Some require extra care and some do not. Some are more cost effective than others. Some have sentimental value to their owner and some do not. Some are disposable. Some last forever if properly treated.

Bath towels are decorative and useful. They are usually made of cotton terry cloth, come in several sizes, and are often purchased to match the decor in color and style. They are intended for public viewing as well as private use. They are meant to dry by absorbing clean water from human skin. Please do not mop the floor with them, wipe off hair dye, toothpaste or whitener, or bodily fluids with them.

Rinse all that off before you get to a towel so that you are merely wet. Then hang the towels neatly on the rack or a hanger to dry out for the next usage. Otherwise towels must be washed using extra soap, water, and electricity. Over time utility bills will increase as more and more towels are unnecessarily washed and dried. Eventually the towels wear out faster and need to be replaced.* Someone has to pay for these.

*Such worn-out or nonstandard towels may be redesigned as “Utility Towels”, used whole or subdivided, stored separately, folded to indicate they are no longer for use on human surfaces, and can be marked as such with an indelible marker. (See Paragraph 4. Use as an alternate to Paper Towels).

Kitchen towels serve a similar purpose and come in two categories: small towels for drying hands, usually terry cloth, and small towels for drying tableware such as plates, pots and pans and silverware. These are cotton or linen and are often decorative, even seasonal. Some households choose to use the same small towels for both hands and dishes while others differentiate. Each is used to dry plain water from surfaces. Dishcloths (sometimes called “dishrags”) are meant to be soaked in soapy water in order to wash dishes, etc. and countertops. They are then rinsed clean and hung by the sink for future use or put in the washer and replaced by a clean cloth.

Kitchen towels should not be used to wipe up spilled drinks or food, mop the floor, clean spaghetti sauce off the stove or jelly off children’s faces. Do you think somebody’s grandmother embroidered these things just so you could destroy them? If you want to clean up messes which might leave stains, use the dishcloth and then rinse it or use the paper towels (or utility towels) --that’s what they are for!

Modern paper towels --or “PT” not to be confused with “TP” (toilet paper) on a shopping list--come in a variety of configurations and absorbencies as well as with colorful decorations. They are meant to be disposable. Please fit the product to the need and do not use more than necessary. Paper towels now can cost nearly $3 a roll so why would you waste great gobs of them simply to dry your wet hands when there’s a perfectly good hand towel right there? And while you’re at it, why not hang the towel back up the way you found it? Paper towels are ideal for those little messes which are dropped on the floor, for cleaning jelly faces or the emergency bodily fluid situation. Don’t overlook the usefulness of a box of tissues or an efficient house pet to augment your kitchen towel needs. They come in a wide variety of sizes and styles.

Of course if you have unlimited financial resources your choices are broader. You may choose to use paper towels for all your cleaning and drying needs. You may not care if your best bath towels are stained with tomato sauce or bleached with tooth whitener. You may delight in washing every towel after every use and drying them until they are hot enough to burn your hands. You may enjoy the feel of masses of paper toweling soaking up water from your barely damp hands and then filling up the garbage can with their wadded masses. Some people find that very satisfying. Maybe you enjoy defiling your grandmother’s handiwork by using her lovely day-of-the-week tea towels as a mop. When you are calling the shots, that will be your choice.

Thank you for reading my essay on towels. I hope I have given you something to think about and that someday you will consider passing this information on to your children, grandchildren, other family members, and closest friends.

Happy drying!
Sheila

Road Trip!

After stopping off at the cemetery to see some relatives, we headed out to Lighthouse Point to visit some more of our loved ones.

Grandpa attempting to explain the finer points of Steamer's Lane surfing to Molly. She moves so fast, this was the only non-blurry picture of her!

Grandpa looking out over Capitola, the town of his youth, the next day.

A very nice young man named Matt invited us in to see the inside of the Cliff Avenue house that was purchased by my great-grandparents for $5,000 in 1939. This is Grandpa showing us the corner wall where he and his brother would have their height marked in pencil each year. He is demonstrating the fact that my great-uncle grew to be 6'4".

Our missions were accomplished, the weather was perfect, and a good time was had by all. Thanks, Molly, for doing almost all of the driving! (Sorry about the picture, but it was the only one where you weren't blurry or making a funny face.)

From the Vault: Applesauce Cake

This easy, tasty little cake is from my grandmother's Lily Wallace New American Cook Book, copyright 1946. (This is the cookbook that we feared was missing, which to our great relief, turned up at the bottom of a box of recipe clippings during last month's garage sale.)

Just the right amount of spice and moistness. Grandma's handwritten notes suggested icing it with a powdered sugar/butter/vanilla frosting and adding raisins for a dessert cake. I made it this morning with apple slices arranged on the bottom of the pan for a simple decoration when inverted. Very tasty as a coffee/breakfast cake.

Applesauce Cake

Oven to 350 degrees

1/2 cup shortening (1 stick butter)
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 cup thick applesauce
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp clove
1 1/2 to 2 cups flour (I split the difference and used 1 3/4 and it turned out just right.)
1 tsp soda

Cream shortening, sugar and egg together. (It helps if all ingredients are at room temperature.)
Dissolve soda in applesauce and add. Sift salt, cinnamon and clove with part of the flour and add to the first mixture. Add enough more flour to make a fairly stiff batter. Pour into a greased (or buttered) loaf pan (I used a deep 9" round cake pan.) and bake in a moderate oven 50-60 minutes. 1 cup raisins may be added to the batter.

After buttering the pan, I added 2 sliced apples arranged in a circle, to the bottom of the pan, along with a sprinkle of brown sugar, then poured the batter in on top of the apples, spreading it out with a spatula so that the middle was slightly lower than the edges to even the cake out.

Lovely!


The sky on my way home Friday.

Poor Forgotten Little Blog

Here are some of the things I've been up to in the last few months:



Vacationed on a distant island.


Had my eyes checked.


Picked some berries.


Drank martinis.


Cooled off.

Shopped for furniture.


Watched the vines grow.


Went to the seashore.

Met some princesses... and some frogs.

And still had time to read a few books.

Rose Mary Waszkiewicz Landre
June 3, 1923 - March 6, 2009

Aebleskivers

SO MUCH to catch up on! I'm just going to start where I start and get where I get...

Aebleskivers! (Also seen as Aebelskivers or Ebleskivers.) Another recipe (besides Dutch Baby, which has entered my permanent repertoire) that was an obsession of my grandmother's. I don't know how many times she called to offer me the cast-iron aebleskiver pan in her garage, or how many times I refused it. It became a running joke, along with our separated eggs, that made us both laugh. I have the pan now, Grandma! And I'm using it!

AEBLESKIVERS

3 eggs, separated
2 cups buttermilk
2 T sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
2 c flour
1 tsp bp
1 tsp bs

Whisk yolks briskly, add sugar, salt, vanilla and buttermilk, whisk to combine.
Sift together flour, bp, bs, add to egg mixture.
Whisk egg whites to soft peak stage, fold in gently. Set batter aside.

Preheat and lightly oil an aebleskiver pan.
Pour batter to fill pan hollows. (I use a soup spoon for portioning.)


When top bubbles and edges dry, use a skewer (I use a skinny crab fork) to scoot the aebelskiver about a 1/3 turn. Wait just a minute or two for the new section to brown, then turn it the rest of the way. If you've over-filled, just poke the excess back into the ball when you turn it.

The traditional Danish version that gives the dish its name (aebleskiver = apple slices) is made by poking a small chunk of apple into the middle of the ball before turning, and is served with jam. Apple chunks are yummy, but keep them small so they aren't too crunchy.

Applesauce and blueberries, which I also tried, were too messy and sticky. Not recommended.

blueberries sticking to the pan

We like to serve these with a dab of melted butter poured over (or not) and a shake of powdered sugar. Mike likes his with real maple syrup.


(An entertaining video for Takoyaki, or Japanese Octopus Balls, a savory dish which uses a similar turning technique and pan, is here.)

I promise to use my good camera not the iPhone, from now on. I promise to use my good camera not the iPhone, from now on. I promise to use my good camera not the iPhone, from now on. I promise to use my good camera not the iPhone, from now on. I promise to use my good camera not the iPhone, from now on. I promise to use my good camera not the iPhone, from now on.

Pilgrimage

I woke up in the middle of the night knowing I’d go to see the butterflies. The next day, my anxious mind wrestled with my need to drive, until I’d exercised my last excuse and finally coaxed myself to the door.

They have come from hundreds, even thousands of miles away, on fragile wings, sometimes fringed with wind-wear. To see them, it’s astounding that they travel at all. Fewer and fewer of them each year, dwindling to naught or simply dipping, we don’t know.

When I lived in Santa Cruz, on the west side, the park was an easy bike ride from my shabby student rental in “the circles”. I don’t know how many visits I made on my new bike, helmetless in those days, hair blowing dangerously in the wind, before they arrived that first time. Down West Cliff Drive, hook a right at the park on a quiet weekday morning, follow the road and then head down the dirt path to the right.

Riding that bike, the first bike I’d ever purchased with my own money—probably the first big thing I’d ever purchased, if I think about it—was one of my favorite things to do. Sometimes I felt like I was ten years old again, riding wherever I wanted to go as fast as I could, with no particular destination.

The first time, I don’t know that I knew they were there before I went, or if I had heard they would come. Dripping from branches, in flickering clusters, they warmed themselves in shafts of light that seeped through the canopy of eucalyptus into the quiet grove. What I remember is how magical and serene it was to ride through the mist and stay there in the quiet of that half-lit grove among them.

Now, twenty-five years later, young, clean-shaven park rangers patiently answer questions from a road-addled tourist at the gate. Yes, the butterflies are here. Yes, you can take your dog into the park, but not to see the butterflies (duh) and please make sure your car is parked in the shade with the windows down and obvious water for the dog and don’t stay too long because other people get really upset if they see a dog in a car for a long time. Ten dollars for day use, please.

The quiet dirt path has been replaced (very necessarily) by a new boardwalk, which is attractive and sturdy, designed to take the abuse of eager nature-lovers. At the base of the walkway in the grove itself is a low multi-level deck.

At first, it is lovely just to see the Monarchs flitting silently between the trees. You'll notice that there are no close-up photos. The butterflies are very, very high up, though when it's quiet, and bored children have dragged their parents back to the beach, they'll swoop teasingly close to the deck.

A mother and her young daughter were lying on the edge of one of the deck’s steps, looking up at the treetops. They were talking sweetly, sharing an enviable mother-daughter moment. A small family group was listening to a female ranger talk in whispers about the butterflies and their journey. I caught just the end, just enough to hear her say, “…people who saw them twenty years ago, in the 80s, say that there were hundreds and thousands of them…what you can do is plant milkweed to grow during the seasons that they are traveling…”

I don’t want the butterflies to be just another thing that is dwindling, dying, disappearing. Once there were hundreds, herds by the millions across the plain, great black clouds of wings in the sky, etc., etc. My generation really is Generation D, for disappointment. Everything “used to be” bigger, more. Everything is just outside of our grasp, lost to us by just a little bit.

But then I think, how lucky that I was one of the people who saw them then, who got to stand in that grove alone, on a quiet weekday, not surrounded by well-meaning eco-tourist families whispering questions below the fluttering clusters of insects. I could come down any morning I wanted, and see them hanging on drooping eucalyptus branches, wings still too wet with dew to fly.

As soon as the woman and her daughter left, I found my own spot on the deck and leaned back, resting my head against the wood. The family group moved on, and the couples that trickled down into the grove were respectfully silent.

Directly above my head was a branch whose clustered leaves fluttered—every bare twig shimmered with the dun undersides of their orange and black wings. The sky was blue, and the smell of eucalyptus was caught up in the occasional breeze. There was a serenity in the scene that made me wish to stay. But I had promised the rangers that I wouldn’t leave my dog for long, even though she was safely parked in deep shade, and so I had to be on my way.

***

First stop: The Bagelry, downtown Santa Cruz for a "Dark Star": An "everything" bagel with thickly-layered with cream cheese, chopped olives and chopped walnuts. (PS- they call it the "Ultimate" now.) Mike’s favorite from his MBA days. Mike does not have a Master’s in Business Administration, but he was once the assistant dean at the Monterey Bay Academy. After a walk around the block with the dog, fill the water jug, use the clean bathroom for customers only and park in the free parking for customers only.

Second stop: Butterfly grove

Third stop: Lighthouse point

Fourth stop: Caffe Pergolesi for a chai (the chai by which all others must be judged-- perfect.)

Fifth stop: Pizza My Heart for a pesto pizza to bring home to Mike. Another favorite.

Sixth stop: Cemetery

I Second That Emotion

So...HOW WAS THE REUNION...I MEAN, THE DRESS?
(I know you've been waiting for this. You'll read shortly why it's taken me so long to get a picture up of the darn thing.)

The dress turned out great. I don't have a good picture of it quite yet, because smarty pants here had to replace her dead cell phone on Wednesday of last week, and got a fancy phone. The fancy phone takes videos as well as pictures, and the little button for video is well, little, and also a little too close to the one for the camera, so I got several very short films featuring me and my friend Karen standing very still and smiling while her father told us to look like we were having a good time, as well as a couple of three-second masterpieces starring two unrecognizable people dancing to Devo.

But that is beside the point. I think there could be a little bit of tailoring applied to the, ahem, forward-most portion of the dress, or I might just need a little more...comprehensive tan, if you get my drift. Maybe I'm just not used to that deep a neckline. But overall it fit very well, and I felt good. I will extract a still from the videos and post asap. Or you could just use your imagination or look on facebook at the shots other people have posted. I'm the one in the black dress. No, the other one.

The reunion weekend was delightful. It was such a joy to reconnect with some of my oldest friends. After all these years, love sees right through all the changes that have happened to each of us over the years. I wish I'd had more time to talk to each person one on one.

Friday night, I was composed, adult me. I could stand back, observe and appreciate my friends for the great people they have become. My high school friends are some of the neatest people, and parents, you could hope to know. Many of them are teachers, and collectively, they have a bunch of kids. These are the people you want raising and educating the next generation. Kind, present, bright people, raising good kids.

There's something that's been bothering me, though. I'm trying not to kick myself for this, but over a 24 hour period, I feel like I completely regressed. By midway through the reunion on Saturday night, I was high school me, just as sure as Michael J. Fox used to get hairy ears when the moon was full.

I forgot completely about my vow to have meaningful conversations with few people, rather than trying to chat with many. I forgot that people who ask "How?" have more fun. I treated myself to a shot of tequila. I squealed when a song came on that I knew. (You can hear it in one of my micro-movies!)

I don't regret grabbing my friend Rusty for Donna Summer's "Last Dance," nor do I regret going back for a round of hugs for the people I'd really enjoyed seeing.

I do regret trying to make guilty (impulsive, slightly drunken) conversation with people I didn't remember that well, or remembered but never really knew that well. When I should have just smiled and said, "Hi, how are you?" I said other things that were equally embarrassing to both parties. Something along the lines of (shouted over too loud, too old New Wave music) "I know you, you're _________, you look GREAT! WHAT?? HOT! You look HOT! I KNOW, THE MUSIC IS TOO LOUD!" as they tried to decipher my bouncing name tag. Ok, not quite that bad, but close.

Or when I told a former female classmate, who may or may not have been a bully in high school, en route to the restroom, that I'd seen her picture on facebook because we had so many mutual friends and she just looked at me and said, "Yeah?" I wanted to run. She looked really beautiful, actually. Her dress was a similar style to mine, but shimmery gold with a leopard-ish print. I should have said something about that instead.

Really, what I should have done was allow silences, moments of quiet for things to happen, for people to

***
and that's where I stopped when I realized that I was going on and on about what could or should have been rather than what was. So I put the post away, about a week ago, and didn't wrap it up. So now I am. Now I have to go pull those stills out of the "movies" so you can see a picture of the dress.

I don't know if you realize this, but I have crossed a barrier this year. In the three years that I've been blogging, I had never posted a picture of myself on the blog. Until the triathlon. Now that many of my friends have seen me on facebook, I got over the fact that I'm not 21 anymore. I look the way I look.

Here's the room where I spent the reunion weekend nights:

Summer Evening

All photos copyright Tamara Landre, 2009. All rights reserved.

More Notes for New Moms

Here's more from the moms:

Jen R: Not advice but something I loved. Buy a really good quality stroller, if a double stroller, get a side-by-side with a front swivel wheel. Go out and enjoy the neighborhood. Just to get away from the TV and go outside and breath. Spring/summer babies are born at the perfect time to start a good relationship with the outdoors!

Coleen: I wish I'd had this thread before I had Sean. :)
My best advice is not to be too hard on yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, and trying for perfection is self defeating.

I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year of Life" before having Sean and at first I thought she was crazy to think (or actually admit) the things she did, but later I was grateful to know that at least one other mother felt the way I did when the baby cried and cried and I was totally sleep deprived and wishing I could put him back in the womb just for another week or so. ;)

Tamara: Thanks, Coleen! That's great advice.

I read Operating Instructions, too. That was a great book. (I'm just re-reading Bird by Bird right now.) You've got to love that honesty in Anne Lamott. She lays it out there, and the rest of us breathe a sigh of relief that we're not the only one hiding jealousy or frustration or feelings of hopelessness. And she has the guts and the wry humor to put it in a way that we can laugh with her and take ourselves just a little bit less seriously.

What's been neat about all of this is that all of the mothers sincerely want to help. There is so much comparing among other women-- who had the shortest (or longest) labor, who did or didn't get their figure back, who couldn't (horror!) breastfeed. It's so nice to feel such support from people for someone who is doing it for the first time. If I'd known this was out there, I might have thought more about having kids! I'm so excited about this little grandnephew. Since my sister and I aren't close, and my niece and I are, it's going to be fun to have a baby that I can spoil.

Jen P. Anne Lamott is one of my very favorite authors too. Operating instructions is a gift I usually give to new moms.

Tyla: There has been such an intense response to this thread that I've been thinking hard about what to add.

I guess, when it comes down to it, my best advice is to be very gentle with yourself when you're learning something new. It's really easy to look at the long days of feeling inadequate and miss the big picture...that this little thing, that demands so much, has been created out of what?... something bigger than I know how to comprehend.

The days are long, but the years are short. Appreciate the little things and know that each impossible moment will pass and things even out and you will catch your stride.
Ok. Enough with that...breast feeding a new born is NOT EASY for most! If it is easy for you...go with it. If it is HARD, then get help! Call a lactation specialist and get a nipple shield! Please, get a nipple shield. I used it with both of my children and they both "went natural" around 5 months. Smooth sailing after that. They got what they needed and I didn't have bleeding nipples. We both win!

Save your back and get an Ergo Carrier. Much better than a Bjorn.
I used cloth diapers. Use BioKleen detergent from Whole Foods or Charlie's on-line.

Also, expect your world to be turned upside down and get a good therapist!

Always ask questions! You will learn a lot when you start asking and stop complaining. I have learned from experience.

Join a Co-op nursery school when your child is old enough (3 years). The added work is worth it.
xxoo

Tamara: You are awesome, too, Ty! Thank you.

I have been so touched by all of your responses. Thank you so much.

Viva la Mama.

Another One from the Vault

Gold Medal "Kitchen-tested"
FUDGE CAKE
(A Prize Chocolate Cake)
4 tbsp. butter
2 cups sugar
2 eggs

2 cups Softasilk cake flour OR
1 3/4 cups GOLD MEDAL "Kitchen-tested" Flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups milk
4 oz chocolate, melted
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup chopped nuts

Method
(Oven 350)
1. Cream butter, add sugar gradually, and cream thoroughly
2. (By the way, separate the eggs, set aside whites.) Blend in the well-beaten egg yolks.
3. Sift flour before measuring
4. Sift flour, baking powder and salt together and add to creamed mixture alternately with milk.
Beat just enough to make the batter smooth (about 5 seconds).
5. Blend in the melted chocolate, vanilla and nuts
6. Fold in the egg whites, beaten until stiff but not dry
7. Pour into well greased and floured layer pans or large loaf pan and bake

Bake 45 minutes for layers, 50 to 55 minutes for loaf
Two 9 inch layer pans or one 8 x 12 inch loaf

Note: This cake has a delicious fudge-like flavor and consistency, and is complete without icing. If you prefer it iced, however, use a cooked fudge icing, a chocolate butter icing, a cooked white icing or any type desired.

I desired the Simple Chocolate Icing from Ghirardelli, which is also from "the vault" and happens to be a cooked fudge icing. I like these cooked fudge icings, especially over a rich cake, because I can just pool it in the center of each layer and encourage it to drizzle attractively down the sides without fretting over crumbs. A sprinkle of nuts and you're done. Looks fancy, not that hard. I'm proud to say that I'm a person who can now make a birthday cake or pie without sweating over it. It most definitely won't be perfect, but it will be delicious!

I didn't have walnuts when I made the cake layers at home, but Grandpa (who by the way, spotted the clue and knew that there was a cake surprise in store for him) happened to have walnuts on hand in the freezer, so he suggested we sprinkle the chopped walnuts on top of the icing on each layer. Delicious! We served it with fresh sliced strawberries and cold glasses of milk. Happy Birthday!


PS- That little whisk-broom thing is a cake tester I received as a gift. Just a bundle of little tiny skewers for sticking into cakes. At the rate I'm going, it will last a lifetime.

Notes for New Moms

As some of you may know, my niece is about to have a baby. A boy. As the sole great-aunt, I can't wait! Over in facebookland, I asked my mom friends if they had anything they wished someone had told them, or any advice for new moms. I was so touched by their enthusiasm, tenderness and willingness to share that I thought I'd share their comments with everyone, just in case there are new moms or moms-to-be searching the internet late at night for some words of wisdom. Those of you not in facebookland (and you know who you are) feel free to comment, too. I'm printing all of these out in a consolidated format and sharing them with my niece. She's due any day.

Thank you moms!

MOMNOTES

Jen R: 2 things, Don't bother with the diaper genieb, it's a rip off and unneeded & Buy high quality nursing bras, so worth the money!

Sue: The wipe-warmer is a toss, too... And everyone will love the lavender baby wash- The target brand is just as good as Johnson & Johnson.

Karen: Large flannel "blanket" (about 45x45) was the best swaddling thing for us. Better than those fancy-shmancy velcro crazy things. Plus the flannel fabric folds up pretty small. I got it at the fabric store. Flannel generally comes 45 inches wide so I just bought enough for a square. My mommy hemmed mine for me. (PS Kayleigh, this is on its way.)

Jen P. I loved the wiper warmer. Get some cloth diapers as burp cloths they are cheap. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Get the baby out of your bed and sleeping thru the night asap. Its harder to do the older they get. Diaper genie sucks, cloth diapers suck too. Those nursing tanks are $50 but worth every penny.

If she hasn't had him yet, the drugs are good. Stay in the hospital as long as insurance will let you. That day I opted for no circumcision. Best choice I made. Their willies are perfect the way nature intended and 50% of the kids we know aren't. Nipple cream is awesome stuff. Lactation classes and consultants are wonderful things. Oh after three I have a book of advice.

Jen R: Damn, I wish I had known about Breast milk banking and donation. I moved when my daughter was less than a year and dumped a freezer full. Have your niece look into cord blood donation. I donated from both pregnancies.

Sue: Do not fear The Pacifier... and remind her to cover him during diaper changes or he WILL spray her.. the infant gowns with the drawstring at the bottom .. triple snap onesies for warmer weather... the vibrating infant seat (although they don;t SIT, they RECLINE..) I went through three of them. more to come, I'm sure...

Actually, for the first couple of weeks those little t-shirts are the best.. at least until the cord nubbin falls off. Not to worry if he goes through that flaky, peely phase about 2-3 weeks out- TOTALLY NORMAL. Remember, he's been soaking in water for 40 weeks or so.. :-) the same goes for little bumps on his cheeks (the cheeks on his face..)

Jen R: Here's one thing that a Mom passed on to me (and is a little more delicate) when I had my first child, right after birth, request a stool softner. You will not be released from the hospital until you have a bowel movement, and if you tear....I was so glad to make it easier on myself...Now, how was that for glamorous?

Catherine: The best advice I ever got was from a pediatric nurse who started a service here in Atlanta to help new moms. She now has published a book and started a website so she's available everywhere. Go to momsoncall.com. That book was my freakin' bible - I never would have survived without it. They have a video too that comes with the book that teaches you everything from swaddling to clipping baby's nails. If she follows all the instructions in the book to the letter, her baby will sleep through the night anywhere starting from 6 - 8 weeks. When you're a new mom, sleeping through the night is heaven. You will be her hero if you get her this book. (I bought this and sent it.)

Danine: I might be penning brief bits of advice - that seems to be how my brain is working lately...Thanks Tam for putting me on this advice list...
For the birthing mother - take the drugs...don't try to be a hero...I missed my opportunity with both kids and if anything - take the drugs for ME!
Desitin - the best stuff in a white tube...use it for rash or no rash...it's all purpose and has been around for ages!
Baby Bjorn - the most comfortable child carrier on the market...I had one with Annie (learned the hard way with William) and used it for hikes, shopping, housework...Bruce used it too - very versitile and machine washable!
Don't waste money on items to be used only once or twice...save the money for good diapers - Huggies were my brand of choice...
A good diaper bag is a must... Lands End and LL Bean have a good line...I had a few in varying sizes and later used them as over-night bags...
See if friends/family will organize meals for the new parents...I had a week worth the meals prepared and delivered by friends...I managed the day/time and menu...I didn't have to worry about food preparation - and this offered a chance for my friends to sneak a peek at the newborn!
Cloth diapers make the best burp rags and all purpose...I dyed an entire lot pink for Annie (but remember to wash separately as the dye will leach until final fading)...and on that note - Dreft - I used it religiously with my infant/toddler washings...
A port-a-crib is a nice gift...Doesn't need to be fancy...the less attachments the better...We used ours on vacations, sleep-overs, nap time...etc.
Join a "mothers club"...great for support and hanging out with women/men in the same adventure in life...Hmmm...I will be adding more for sure...my brain has ceased for the moment...cheers!

Kristin: Always remember that you know your baby better than anyone else or any book. Your baby may sleep through the night at 6-8 weeks, or not until 2 years old, and if the advice doesn't feel right, don't take it. NEVER, and I mean NEVER say, "my baby/child would NEVER do that!" while judging another--there is no faster way to get your baby to do such ... I give my vote for the wipe warmer and I still use the Ergo carrier even at almost 4yrs old. It was much more comfortable and easier on my back.

Karen: My other piece of advice: Compliment her on her parenting skills. When I first overheard my mom telling someone what a great and natural mom I am it absolutely made me swell with pride. She will get all kinds of parenting advice from all kinds of people. The most powerful thing you can do is to help her trust her parenting instincts - she will know Milo better than anyone else.

Sue: and THAT is the BEST advice yet...;-)

Danine: Oh yes - the experts will gather...Some have "suggestions" and some have "do-tions"...I remember my mo-in-law reciting passages from her ancient doctor spock book and it was law...My mom is the best...never criticizes, never compares...cheers!

Tamara: Thank you! You guys rock! That is why you are all great moms.

Jen R: Not advice but something I loved. Buy a really good quality stroller, if a double stroller, get a side-by-side with a front swivel wheel. Go out and enjoy the neighborhood. Just to get away from the TV and go outside and breath. Spring/summer babies are born at the perfect time to start a good relationship with the outdoors!

Coleen: I wish I'd had this thread before I had Sean. :)
My best advice is not to be too hard on yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, and trying for perfection is self defeating.

I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year of Life" before having Sean and at first I thought she was crazy to think (or actually admit) the things she did, but later I was grateful to know that at least one other mother felt the way I did when the baby cried and cried and I was totally sleep deprived and wishing I could put him back in the womb just for another week or so. ;)

Tamara: Thanks, Coleen! That's great advice. I read Operating Instructions, too. That was a great book. (I'm just re-reading Bird by Bird right now.) You've got to love that honesty in Anne Lamott. She lays it out there, and the rest of us breathe a sigh of relief that we're not the only one hiding jealousy or frustration or feelings of hopelessness. And she has the guts and the wry humor to put it in a way that we can laugh with her and take ourselves just a little bit less seriously.

Jen P: Anne Lamott is one of my very favorite authors too. Operating instructions is a gift I usually give to new moms.

Tyla: There has been such an intense response to this thread that I've been thinking hard about what to add.

I guess, when it comes down to it, my best advice is to be very gentle with yourself when you're learning something new. It's really easy to look at the long days of feeling inadequate and miss the big picture...that this little thing, that demands so much, has been created out of what?... something bigger than I know how to comprehend.

The days are long, but the years are short. Appreciate the little things and know that each impossible moment will pass and things even out and you will catch your stride.

Ok. Enough with that...breast feeding a new born is NOT EASY for most! If it is easy for you...go with it. If it is HARD, then get help! Call a lactation specialist and get a nipple shield! Please, get a nipple shield. I used it with both of my children and they both "went natural" around 5 months. Smooth sailing after that. They got what they needed and I didn't have bleeding nipples. We both win!

Save your back and get an Ergo Carrier. Much better than a Bjorn.

I used cloth diapers. Use BioKleen detergent from Whole Foods or Charlie's on-line.

Also, expect your world to be turned upside down and get a good therapist!

Always ask questions! You will learn a lot when you start asking and stop complaining. I have learned from experience.

Join a Co-op nursery school when your child is old enough (3 years). The added work is worth it.
xxoo

Tamara: I have been so touched by all of your responses. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me to know that you are here for my niece, with all of your tenderness, experience and good advice.
Viva la Mama.
Love,
Tam

If There Are Any Lingering Questions

...here are the illustrative Dutch Baby pictures. As of this week, I have had it for breakfast three times. Still just as tasty. Wikipedia says that it is often flavored with vanilla and cinnamon, which we did not do. (Cinnamon and lemon? I don't know about that.) Maybe next time when I demonstrate it for Grandpa we'll try that variation.

Check out the skillful egg-cracking on the part of not-quite-three-year-old Abbie!






Pretty!

A D.B. is often referred to as a "German Pancake" but that really does not do it justice. It is much more like a popover or Yorkshire pudding. In fact, it looks exactly like this Yorkshire pudding that our friend Vincent Nattress made for Christmas dinner with a prime rib. Not at all like a pancake. A pancake is to a Dutch Baby as a foam mattress is to a down comforter. If down comforters were crispy and browned in butter on the outside and delicately eggy on the inside.